calamity jane

Sharing the Burden, Sharing Ideas

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by

Calamity Jane

Hey there friends,

Sasha at One Rich Mother left a link to one of her posts on the FB page, regarding the Mama Rage issue. I thought everyone should have a chance to take a look, her post is called The Lost Art of Chill. She lists out the ways that she has used to try to overcome some of her anger issues, or just deal with it more appropriately. While I write about just the emotions of it, Sasha thankfully offered some really good concrete tips. And, this woman has seven children, so she ought to know.

Of course, for us newer mamas, bear in mind that she’s also had some 15 years of practice to get her shit together! While we’re still stuck at the bewilderment stage. “What the f–? It’s like this?”

I think we should open this sucker right up. Anyone else have any posts on the subject they’d like to share, or just feelings, thoughts on anger/rage, or real-life ideas that might help? Leave a comment.

And in case anyone has missed out so far, Lucy at Dreaming Aloud started a ‘Blogging Carnival of Emotions’ with her post The White Heat of Mama Anger. There’s quite a few great links over there.

You non-bloggers, feel free to leave long winded comments, get it all out girl!

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Comments

5 responses to “Sharing the Burden, Sharing Ideas”

  1. Maxabella Avatar
    Maxabella

    Mama rage. It helps to give it a name.

    I have posted (sort of) on this topic. Here you go:

    http://maxabellaloves.blogspot.com/2011/05/smack.html

    For me, it’s all about putting on the cranky pants… x

    Reply
  2. Pink Slip Jam Avatar
    Pink Slip Jam

    Wow- where to begin?! I am a Mama to 3 boys – 2 of whom are teenagers. Rage doesn’t even come close to my emotions sometimes! I adore my sons yet there are times I find myself wondering, “what the hell was I thinking having these 3 kids?!” After carefully planting, nurturing, & just about to harvest the very first fruits from my red currant bush this weekend, I discovered that Middle Child had kicked over the plant in a scuffle with his brother. By the way, these red currants were going to go into some jam I am making as a wedding gift…needless to say, the weekend was not smooth. Son #2 will be making a donation to Friends of Trees & spending a lot of time in his room. I had a cocktail but still feel upset. I am going to focus on breathing today & attempt to reach a place of ‘quiet’, tho’ I do not have high hopes! Good luck to all you other Mamas…it is not an easy road & it does not look like the photos in any magazine I’ve ever seen!

    Reply
  3. Kylie Avatar
    Kylie

    Hey CJ….finally I have blogged a new post. Hope folks like it.
    Kylie
    [here’s the link to Kylie’s post, Join Me at Crazyeeee Welcome back to the bloghole, Kylie. Good luck starting up blogging again at the same time as making a resolution to spend less time online ;0 -CJ]

    Reply
  4. dixiebelle Avatar
    dixiebelle

    I am too tired to let it all out today, but here is a blog post I did not long ago after realising that the mama rage was coming about because of pressure & my own expectations & tiredness & wanting some time out, BUT that I was beating myself up for the odd meltdown, when really, my mothering is ENOUGH and my kids are getting a wonderful childhood (perhaps better because they see that mummy is human) it’s just my own guilt skewing the picture and my own loss of control that I hate. The rageful feeling sucks, though, I am not saying we should all just let it out & be happy about it… easing the rage AND the guilt is the way to go, BUT after attending a couple of Paediatric work courses, I came to realise the odd times I yell at my kids and feel the need to kick a chair or hit a pillow WAS still nothing, nothing compared to what some poor children go through in their lives.

    http://eatatdixiebelles.blogspot.com/2011/05/my-hobbies-are-making-my-kids-smile.html

    (Apologies for the cap’s!)

    Reply
    1. Calamity Jane Avatar
      Calamity Jane

      i think that you’ve hit the nail on the head. it’s not that the rage is a-okay, but that guilt doesn’t help a damn bit. as usual. in fact, i think easing the guilt sometimes helps to ease the rage. because yes, the rage can be a result of just all the pressure we modern mamas face, and guilt is a big one of those pressures. we have to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps and stop feeling guilty! stop feeling guilty and start doing something about it!
      how many times have a moped around feeling like shit after a big, mad mood? too many. then not only do my kids get the mad mood, they also get the (self-indulgent) self-loathing mood afterward. lame. plus, i remove the possibility of either 1. spending that time with my kids, satisfying their attention needs and making them more happy, therefore my life more easy, and my rage less. or 2. spending some time doing something i enjoy, therefore making myself feel better and rage less.
      just a tiny bit of guilt often motivates me to do something good, but very much guilt is a huge waste of time and energy.

      Reply